Returning to Your Best Self

By Nina Fondiller Woldin

This morning as we were drinking our coffee my husband clicked on a link that said, “Lifespan Calculator – Test Your Life Expectancy.” It seemed like fun, answering questions about diet and exercise to find out how very healthy and fit we are for people our age… but the calculation that came up was: “Your fateful day will come in the year 2023.”

“Your fateful day will come in the year 2023.”

Now, neither of us believed that this was a real prediction of my husband’s life expectancy, but during these ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, Aseret Yemei Teshuvah, when we are focusing on what we are proud of from last year and how we might improve, it certainly brought up thoughts of the Unetanah Tokef prayer:

“On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed… Who shall live and who shall die…” 

Unetanah Tokef provides a roadmap for introspection and change, and this little game on the iPhone certainly made me go back for an additional reading of this prayer, and the meaningful text-based conversation about it in Chai Mitzvah’s Jewish Journeys sourcebook #12, The Arc of the Fall Holidays.

Another thought from the same sourcebook – one of my favorite, based on the following two texts:

From the Babylonian Talmud 16b:
R. Isaac further said: Four things cancel the doom (ma’akrin מעקרין) of a man, namely, charity, supplication, change of name and change of conduct… 

From U’Netaneh Tokef
But T’shuvah, T’fillah, and Tz’dakah have the power to transform (ma’avirin מעברין) the harshness of our destiny.

The Talmud claims that these activities will actually cause the decree to be torn up (ma’akrin). That which was decreed to happen will not in fact happen. The liturgy, however, makes a very different claim, namely that prayer, righteousness and Teshuvah will not change what happens to us; rather, they will change US. We will understand what happens differently. These activities will not tear up the decree; rather, they will transform us – we will understand that everything that happens flows from God.

Another thing I thought of was this text from Pirkei Avot 2:15; Talmud Shabbat, 153a:
“Rabbi Eliezer tells us that a person must repent the day before he dies. How does one know when that day will be? One doesn’t. Therefore, repentance should be an everyday practice.” 

Repentance seems like a difficult and self-image damaging burden to shoulder every day. But Teshuvah – literally returning – means to me that we should make every day count: never go to bed angry, don’t put off letting the ones we love know that we love them, and remember to be grateful for the good we have. There is certainly more that belongs on this list, and I am extremely lucky to spend my days with Chai Mitzvah staff and participants who can add to these thoughts.

G’mar Chatimah Tovah, and please add your thoughts about Teshuvah – what feels to you like returning to your best self – below.

1 response to “Returning to Your Best Self”

1. Rabbi Deb Smith says:

   October 6, 2022 at 3:36 pm

   I look at a high holy days as a wonderfully uplifting time. It is a time when the doors of the negative in our lives from the year past year are closing and the gates of new options and opportunities are opening. . L’shana tova!

   Reply