Where Am I?

by Jill Maidhof

When is the last time you had a deeply self-reflective thought such as “Where am I and what direction is my life taking?” or “Am I a trustworthy person?” and “What do I really, truly believe when bad things happen people?” When did you last confront your own vulnerability, question your ethical compass or challenge long-held beliefs?

Did you share these thoughts with friends and family? Did you bring them up in conversation? 

If you did, I think that you’re unusual. My observation is that most of us feel uncomfortable disclosing our spiritual, psychological and ethical uncertainties. We don’t want to sound weird or ignorant and we don’t want others to feel pressured to go deep. Life is hard enough, we think; better to keep our conversations pleasant. 

When I was introduced to Chai Mitzvah four years ago, there was no lack of Jewish engagement programs to choose from. Today my options are overwhelming, and I’ve stuck with Chai Mitzvah. Why? Because each group I’ve joined has proven to be a safe space—one in which I’ve been inspired by selected texts but learned most from others in my small group: someone asking a question that I’ve wondered for years, someone describing an experience that caused me to feel less alone,  someone sharing an insight that made startling sense. Yes, Chai Mitzvah builds more “Jewishly literate” individuals, but that’s not its stated goal and it’s not the most important outcome for me. I’m in it for the community. 

Each group I’ve joined has proven to be a safe space—one in which I’ve been inspired
by selected texts but learned most from others in my small group.

By this I mean each small group and much more.   What I’ve found is that the “aha’s” I experience during those gatherings spring me to action in my local Jewish community. Since participating, I’ve volunteered for my local Hadassah chapter and have become very involved in my synagogue. Chai Mitzvah gave me the sense of responsibility and the confidence to take these steps. As I said, I’m “in this” for the community.

I wonder if it’s been the same for you. I usually end my blogs by asking for responses or comments from you, and what I wonder this month is: Has Chai Mitzvah been a safe space for you and if so, how? Has it sprung you to action in your local committee?  Please share!!